Mom’s Adjustments, Now What Do We Do? 09/17/14

Green Grapes

No grapes died in the taking of this photo.

     Just a quick update on mom and her argument with the Green Thompson Seedless Grape, you remember the one that tripped her up and brought her tumbling to the ground  like a 10 lb sack of potatoes.  Her road has been a long one from surgery, hospital stay, Skilled Nursing Facility, to home and finally in home care 1-2 times a week, all of which has taken her 5-1/2 months and she was just given the okay at last, “You do not need to come back” from her orthopedic surgeon who performed the bone mend back on April 1st.  The one issue I’m surprised no one asked (mom or other brother) was, is she able to drive?  That is moms one big issue. That’s her last piece of independence, her being able to drive herself around and not be dependent on others.  Her thinking is, if she has to ask someone to drive her somewhere that she is being a burden on that person even if the person is the one who offered.  This is something we can not control, cure, drive in an opposite direction or curb, because no matter what that will be that’s how mom feels.  We are the one’s who need to get use to it not her.  We can’t control someone else’s feelings, all we can do is accept that, that is how they feel and we are just a conduit (transport) from spot A to spot B.

     Mom has a lot of adjustments since she left the skilled nursing facility (SNF), first she is having to control when she sleeps and when she’s awake.  This seems to be her hardest issue at this point because she’s home alone, unable to walk any sort of distance, can’t drive, more or less house bound and between this and the SNF and hospital she going on six months, you try it and see if you don’t go get cabin fever.  Long Haul Truck (9/17/14) defines, Cabin Fever as, “A type of hysteria brought on by spending too much time indoors. Directly descended from long haul journeys where you are stuck in cramped conditions for too damn long.”  WebMD (9/17/14) defines it as, “What you’re experiencing is real and it’s serious. It’s called seasonal affective disorder (SAD) or seasonal depression. Along with it come disturbing symptoms such as fatigue and loss of sleep to difficulty concentrating.”  That is where she (mom) is, she’s not a loner, not a recluse, she is someone who likes to meet others, talk about most things with people, tell them how cute their babies are or telling the 90-year-old couple holding hands how cute they are.  She would be the grandma sitting on Santa’s lap just to show her grand-kids it okay.  This issue has brought on problems of their own, depression.  Again I go to the (9/17/14) which defines, Depression as, “A scary enough place to visit and I hate having to live there.”  In reality WebMD (2/8/2013) defines, Depression as, “An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts that affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things.”  How do you keep someone who is an extrovert from coming down with depression even worse than an introvert when their entire world is brought down to a room, well two bedrooms, two bath, living and dining rooms and a kitchen which is 30’x40′ max.?  For the first 2/3 of her time home her wheelchair only fit in the front 1/2 of her place, she would hobble into her room on two walking boots, straight to her bed and then the restroom when need.

     I know it’s a hard question to answer because no matter how much you have people visit, it’s not the same as if she’s out in the real world.  Even after 5-1/2 months she can barely walk (with a walker) more than 20′ without being out of breath and then her stammering for words and the transposing of names, numbers and places gets even worse, it affects the part of her brain where at least one of her stroke took place.  Her what we call “No Filter” attitude comes out, where if she thinks it, she says it and out loud.  Big plugs in your ears, not off-limits.  Older

Doesn't keep one quite

Doesn’t keep one quite

 man with a much younger woman, yep she’ll comment.  Pants hanging down to your knees and you’re trying to hold them up, you’re asking for it.  Thirteen, fourteen year old wearing call girl attire, you are so looking for someone to comment, mom will say something out loud.  I would say it out loud so their parents could hear, totally unnecessary.  Between the depression, medication, stoke issues, mobility issues even her split second timing is way off, heck I started this post saying she slipped on a Green Thompson’s Seedless Grape and there I’ve come full circle.  So, the first question is, how do you help someone with depression under these circumstances?  And the second question is, do you think this person (mom) should be driving any type of 1, 2, 3 or 4 wheeled vehicle?  I already have my plan and know the route I need to go. I am very interested in all of your views and ideas, especially those who have been through something similar.  Please feel free to respond and post your thoughts on this topic at any time.

FYI-Not my mom

FYI-Not my mom

Richard K.

Richard is a trifecta caregiver, along with his wife he cares for himself, with Chronic Back Pain which he’s had for 21 years.  He cares for his brother in-law,Robert who lives with him and who has dealt with Epilepsy his entire life.  He also advocates for his mother who has various cardiac related issues, severe hearing loss and other medical issues.  You can read about his experiences with chronic pain and how he deals with his mothers and brother in-law’s issues on or at  He is also involved in several of’s support groups and chat rooms, he is co-host of an internet based radio show about caregiving. Richard is also a patient adviser, board member for which is working to improve the intake process at medical facilities.  Richard has three adult children who despite them having to deal with his medical issues, he says, “They have turned out better than I’d hoped for.”  

Blogger,  Husband, Son, Caregiver, Author

Blogger, Husband, Son, Caregiver, Author

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