Pain, Pain go away, Come back another day, or not.

Image     This morning was very unusual for my pain, at least it use to be.  I normally go to sleep in pain equal to that of chopping firewood or using a rototiller for about half a day (6-7/10).  Today was a level of pain I have not experienced unless I did do the above tasks and trust me, I know I can’t.  On waking up this morning at 4:46am I was barely able to roll myself off my back so I could do my normal routine of stretching while laying on my side before sitting up and then doing wave two of stretches, when I finally am able to get up and give the dogs their morning treats, take my medicine and use the bolus device (tells my pump “Fat Albert” to give me a extra shot of Morphine), then onto getting the dogs their food, Robert’s stuff ready (lunch and breakfast), a mocha for Trish and a quad caramel espresso for me.  After which I spend 30 minutes doing additional stretches and various yoga moves to help try and loosen up my body from laying down all night.  Even with my average of getting up 5-7 times a night to move around, not including the flip flopping, my pain today was (9/10), it was so bad that I had to skip the 1st-2nd wave of stretching and had to stand up quickly I hurt so bad, between the shoulder blades, right shoulder, neck, back (all of it), hips, legs, even the top of my right foot.  It was so bad that when I was stretching I began cr_in_.  Yes I said it, cr_in_.

     Several years ago my pain specialist, Dr. Stephens said the easiest way to explain it is that I am 44-45 (at the time) with the back of an 80 year old and there are days when I have to take the stairs literally foot by placing each foot on each step before moving onto the next one, I fell like i’m 80.   The only thing I have done differently over the last week is,  (1) walked each of the dogs (1/2 mile) and the (2) was I walked to the local coffee shop (9/10 mile, round trip) which included a 20 minute break when I arrived there.  Over the past year I have had issues with the medication and the workings of my internal medicine pump, even though the doctors are saying its fine which I have  to quasi believe that it is, I am still able to obtain the bolus shot (twice daily) and am taking the oral medicines as prescribed.  So I have no Idea what has made the pain go up 4-5 notches in such a short period of time.   Chronic pain has had such a life changing effect on not only myself but also my family, many don’t realize it’s true devastation.   Try going to the movies and having not being able to sit through more than 30-40 minutes of it at a time without having to go stand by the wall leading to the exit because your in extreme pain.  Or take a trip to some where close say Santa Cruz, Ca., normally from Sacramento about a 2.5 -3 hour drive and make it a 4.5 hour drive because you have to stop twice your in so much pain and the grand daddy of them give up a lot of what you love, 1994 Jeep Wrangler because its a manual transmission and every time you press on the clutch you have a searing pain shoot up your right leg into you left shoulder, camping, golf, bowling, not being able to teach your kids how to swing a bat, even just throwing a football around I can last about 15 minutes and the last 10 minutes of that I’m doing all I can to not fall apart and the list goes on.  Or even just dealing with things that are affected but cause pain, relationships (wink, wink).  Everything you do in your life when you are dealing with chronic pain, everything causes that pain to go up.  There are those days when I want to tell my wife,  “I washed your car for you sweetie” or “I mowed the yard” or “Sure, lets go to the State Fair” and I know (so does she) that my pain will be inflamed however, we’ve learned that when this things happen (State Fairs every year folks) and for the next few days after, just give me space and yes we both know why.  So when someone you know who has chronic pain and for some reason they just are not being themselves, or they are acting like their 80, just say something like, “Hey, good to see you.”  and know that if they snap that’s the pain talking not the person.   On a personal note, to all those people who I have unknowingly upset by making a unintentional comment and hurt you in someway I apologize and to my loving and very supportive family, thank you for standing beside me through all of this and for putting up with all my crap.  I could not have done it with out all your support and love, Thank you.

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Thank you all

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