How all this Pain got started? (Part 1 of 2)

Every story good, bad or indifferent always has a starting point or a beginning.  Well this is my  beginning, this is how I came into this world of pain and how I have tried to deal with it for the past 20 years and how I will deal with it in the years to come.  Pain is something that can not be seem, except on the faces and in the body movements of those dealing with it.  I have always heard the old saying that you don’t know how something is until you’ve lived it, felt it or have delivered it, well I can now say that, that saying is true.  I have had friends who’ve tweaked or twisted their back and are put on various medicines  and after a few weeks are fine, they all come to me and say how they don’t understand how I do it, being in the pain I’m in 24/7/365.  All I can say is that over time you learn to deal with it and that it becomes a part of who you are.    

So if your interested her is the real story of how I came to be a 29 yr old father who was unable to pick up his own 2.5 month old son, and over twelve years ran the gambit of partially disabled, you can continue to work part time to you need to look into a different line of work without no driving involved, with many other stages I had to deal with and finally to you are fully disabled and you need to stop working.  WHAT?  I’m 33 years old and partially disabled and can only work part time and now wait WHAT?  I’m 40 and your saying I can’t work at all, have three kid, a loving wife and your saying I cant work?  Well, here is my story and why PAIN means so much to me.  I was in a great job working petroleum sales in all Northern California and Nevada (except Las Vegas).  Making the high five, low six figures, able to be with my kids when needed, the good life.  I was attending a State meeting in the Fresno area and when it let out I skipped having lunch with my normal group so I could get a jump on the 5.5 hour drive home to Sacramento.  In route Cal-Trans had the three lanes of freeway closed down to one lane which itself was being monitored and only a certain number of vehicles were being allowed through at a time.  relaxed from the two days of seminars, I happen to reach over (with foot on the brake) to change the radio and glanced into my rear view mirror and came eye to eye with the DUI driver who would change my life for ever.

The next thing I know, there’s some guy holding my next stiff, my front wind shield is busted and I hurting.  Out the corner of my left eye in the medium of the free, yes this is all happening on the freeway with my foot on the brake because of construction, there are two guys in a red Toyota changing their cloths.  The guy holding my neck proceeds to explain to me that he was an off duty fireman and he was from the car directly behind me, a second guy there helping stated that he was a insurance claims adjuster and that the red Toyota swerved to miss the adjuster (2 cars behind me), missed the fireman (behind me) and slammed into the rear of my vehicle to which I found out late that  he was doing minimum 75 mph.  I was pulled from my vehicle on a backboard and taken to the nearest hospital, which was still 5 hours from home.  I could not move my legs for about 1.5 hours,  my neck was in extreme pain and a brace for eight weeks, I wore a back brace for 2 years then on and off until this day, unable to lift for than about 40 pound without causing pain through my back and into my legs,  I have a medical pump inserted in my stomach putting a narcotic directly into my spine and use a bolus device for those times my pain get out of control, which is daily.  Unable to hold my children without sitting down first and then in the beginning that was only for limit periods of time, even playing with them was limited.   As for the people in the Toyota the engine of their vehicle was pushed four inch’s over the front seats of their car, it was sitting in their laps, the rear ended me in a mini van (doing minimum 75 mph) in a compact car with out seat belts, I had mine on (another story) their car was beyond totaled and what happened to them, they both walked, the owner (passenger) of the car received a bruise the size of a nickle on his left knee, that was it.  Because of the alcohol they were so relaxed, it is what saved them.  Gave me a life of chronic pain from my mid back down and radiating down into my legs daily and on a scale of 1-10 where am I?  Normally I can maintain a level 5-6, on my bad days, 11-12 and they walk with a bruise.  This is why I am making this a two part blog, I can say I’m over this and I’m dealing with it, it’s when I start talking about it  it starts bringing it all back up again and I see his eyes in my rear view mirror (every time I brake, every time).

So until I get over the pain of just writing this, which has taken me 20 years to do, Pick Your Pain.

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