Today on Denise Brown’s, Caregiving.com site she asks the question,

Do You Worry That One Day You Just Can’t?

Well, do you?  This is something that I fear everyday, is this the day? Is this the day I will need more care? Need to be in a wheelchair? Need a lift to get out of bed? Is this the day my back finally gives up on me or I give up on my back or worse myself?  Will this be the day I become a full time caree and not a Trifecta caregiver?  If so, who will care for mom?  Who will help Trish with Robert?  Here is how things have progressed over the years since I became a partial caree.

May 1993, Accident happened:  I have or should I say, “we have” fought my chronic back pain for seventeen (17) years together and I have been dealing with it for over twenty-one (21) years now. When this all started my pain was a 4-5 (of 10) and slowly with narcotics the doctors were able to get it down to a three – four.  My work was only mildly affected due the number of medical appointments that were required to maintain the initial pain, from doctors, physical therapists, acupuncturist, massages, psychologist and many others.

1996 – 1998, No Medication: After a few years and the side effects of the medications i went off narcotic meds for almost two years, in which I saw and felt the pain go back up above a six.  Work was hit with me missing maybe one day a week due to the pain levels.

2003 – 2014, Internal Pain Pump (IPP): That’s when I started on the internal medicine pump, some fifteen years ago.  Part way into this is when my pain specialists started reducing my work loads and began putting the “Disabled” title on me.  Work, family and myself were all effected with various pain medications side effects, pain (and meds) changing my behavior and who I am as well as more and more days were spent with either a heating pad, ice pack, tennis ball or other form of pain relief.  Toward the end of this period is when my pain specialists called it quits for me and went all out, “Permanently Disabled,” and said I would need to stop working due to the damage to my back and the higher pain levels.

2014 – Current, IPP and What’s Next: Now, little by little I feel and I believe we’re both seeing the pain trying to take hold again and we are not going to let that happen. Something is out there that will control my pain better than the pump and if it can for another fourteen years then we’ll start looking for something to replace that.  Here we are today, I still have pain, ungodly pain at times that will stop me in my tracks and force me to sit down to try and re-leave the pain.  We have taken to renting electric scooters at Disneyland and State Fairs or I am being pushed in a wheelchair.

Always: That doesn’t mean I’m not scared of or worried about what if, I just know I have to be better than that and with my family by my side “we” will be.

So where do we go from here?  We’ll just have to wait and see and take it one pain re-leaver after the next and for now it the pain pump.  To all other chronic pain carees out there, do not give up the hunt, keep searching, some where out there is the pain re-leaver that will work for you, you just have to keep looking and be positive.

Namaste’
Richard K.
PickYourPain@att.net
http://www.PickYourPain.org