As a caregiver I’m responsible making sure Robert gets his meals, transportation, inspiration, cleanup, clean laundry, medication, and first aid, everything he may need. I also do all of moms shopping, confirm medications are correct, all transportation and health checks for mom. Why am I a caregiver? Well after Robert had several bouts of pneumonia over the past few years and seeing how he was cared for both in the hospital and in the skilled nursing facility (SNF) he was placed in, I would not want it any other way. Before Robert was released, me and Trish discussed it and decided that until we can no longer care for him physically, we can get him fed, cleaned, provide his medication, help with entertainment, etc. that until he has to be lifted from (A) to (B) it is best for now that he move in with us and that was just about two years ago. I don’t do caregiving to get anything out of it, especially money, land or any type of wealth, so it’s not about that at all. It’s about doing what’s right. My mother cared for and provided to us three boys for eighteen years and then again when I left the USAF she had a room for me and my brothers and two of even longer, when I left the Air Force and until I got on my feet (which was fast), she had a room for me, so I want to step up and be there for her now. If the time ever comes, she knows that she will always have a room here with us. Another reason I’m doing this is I know if it were mom, Trish would open our door in a heartbeat and she knows that Robert will always be welcome here no matter how bad it gets. 
The main thing I would like families and friends of caregivers to know is that, it’s not an easy job. There are long hours, sometimes not the best of working conditions, very low pay if any at all and depending on the caree and their condition, the caregiver may never get a thank you. If you know a caregiver and you have a chance, give them a break, order them dinner in, give then an afternoon break, or offer to do some of the chores (mowing, hedge trimming, grocery shopping or drop off kids) anything. As for suggestions to new caregivers, “You’re not alone,” go online and research any and all terms on your caree’s illness, research “caregiving, care, etc.” you will be surprised at the number of websites out there about this subject, many that are set up by other caregivers to offer help. Currently, there is Trish, myself and his Easter Seals day program who are providing care for Robert and then myself, Trish and my brothers who provide care for mom, and I guess you could say that all them take care of me. They provide support with shopping for mom, helping with tasks around her house, even take her to doctor appointment when possible. On another note they also get me out, just us boys going flying, shooting range, coffee, lunch and much more. They’ve even paid for massages.
Over the past 21-1/2 years of my pain and the past seven years of mom’s and the time we’ve cared for Robert the lessons I’ve learned are that, you cannot hold everything in, you need to open up to someone. More than likely your number of friends have diminished, the amount of activities your involved in is less. You may be doing this for the right reasons but without that someone to open up to, things will build up, don’t let them explode. Being a caregiver you have to be healthy, reason is if you get sick who do have to take care of your caree? Keep track of everything, every medical appointment (take notes), x-rays, test results, medications, doctors and treatments offered because you never know when something will be needed down the road and if the issue is an insurance claim, I guarantee at some point everything’s needed a second or even third time. Being on both sides of the fence and under it, I have seen that a lot. You may have been thrown into being a caregiver or you could have offered to be one to a family member, either way congratulate yourself for stepping into this wonderful, heart string pulling, and ever-changing role. You are amazing.
Richard K.
Authors Bio:
Richard is a Tri-Fecta caregiver, along with his wife he cares for himself, with Chronic Back Pain which he’s had for 21 years. He cares for his brother in-law, Robert who lives with him and who has been dealing with Epilepsy his entire life. He also advocates for his mother who has various cardiac related issues, severe hearing loss and other medical issues. You can read about his experiences with chronic pain and how he deals with his mothers and brother in-law’s issues on PickYourPain.org or at Caregiving.com. He is also involved in several of Caregiving.com’s support groups and chat rooms, he is co-host of an internet based radio show pertaining to caregiving. Richard is also a patient adviser, board member for Intake.me which is working to improve the intake process at medical facilities. Richard has three adult children who despite them having to deal with his medical issues, he says, “They have turned out better than I’d hoped for.”
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